J Pers Soc Psychol. 2002 Apr;82(4):563-81.

Kindred spirits? The benefits of egocentrism in close relationships.

Murray SL, Holmes JG, Bellavia G, Griffin DW, Dolderman D.

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Department of Psychology, State University of New York at Buffalo 14260-4110, USA. smurray@acsu.buffalo.edu

Abstract

The authors argue that people are happiest in their relationships when they believe they have found a kindred spirit, someone who understands them and shares their experiences. As reality may not always be that accommodating, however, intimates may find this sense of confidence by egocentrically assuming that their partners are mirrors of themselves. Both members of dating and married couples completed measures of satisfaction and felt understanding. They also described their own and their partners' traits, values, and day-to-day feelings. The results revealed that people in satisfying and stable relationships assimilated their partners to themselves, perceiving similarities that were not evident in reality. Such egocentrism predicted greater feelings of being understood, and feeling understood mediated the link between egocentrism and satisfaction in marriage.

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